I feel sad

I've been feeling sad for the last few days, partly because my blasted period arrived, that means no baby before I'm 40, stupid thing to get fixated upon but hey, who ever said I wasn't stupid.

I keep thinking of my twins, my beautiful Rose and Molly, it seems so long ago they were born. I miss them every day but I start to find it harder to cry about them and I want to. It's like picking a scab, now I have to really pick at it hard before I can make it bleed.

Maybe they were my only chance for babies, maybe they should have been my only children. Maybe I should stop trying to get pregnant again. I feel very flat and close to tears, but not close enough to have a good wail.